That's what I do

Published by yann, June 6th, 2020

Let me tell you a story of a brave young knight and a wise old man. Once upon a time there lived a young knight, brave and mighty, skilled in all arts of war, craving for glory and, ehm, not very rich. Despite his young age, he's fought many battles but was always looking for the ultimate one - the one that would have his name written in chronicles; the one he would be remembered for; and, of course, the one that would make his living for at least a little while. Once in a tavern, where he expressed his grief to a bartender (after a decent amount of ale), the bartender told him about a wise old man, who lived in a shack at the edge of town. He said that man would be able to help him.

So in the morning, having recovered from a hangover (not early in the morning, you know) the knight climbed up his stallion and rode to the edge of town. He found the old man in a shack and asked him for advice. "So it's glory and cash that you want, uh?" - said the old man. "Let's see, what's best for you here. Come back in a few days, I'll have the answer."

In a few days, the knight came to the shack again. "Have you ever thought of slaying a dragon?" - asked the old man. "Wow, that would be the best of my dreams!" - exclaimed the young knight. "But where do I find a dragon? And how do I slay him?" "Well, I've made some research in these few days" - said the old man, - "and I found out, that there's actually a real dragon quite close from here, terrorizing a whole country, burning crops and eating young girls alive. The local king has placed a huge bounty on it, but no one has claimed it yet."

"Is it... fire-breathing?" - asked the knight. "Yes, and impenetrable, too. But every dragon has a weak spot, and so does this one - it's the neck. The scales are small and thin there - otherwise, it would not be able to move its head quickly enough. And, as with every creature, there's an artery on each side. If you manage to pierce it, the dragon is dead. The tricky part is that the dragon must be looking the other way at that moment. So you can't go alone - you need assistance."

"I'm not sharing my glory with another hero!" - exclaimed the knight. "Well, you don't have to. All you need is someone to distract the dragon. A well-trained squire will do the trick." "But I don't have a squire yet" - said the knight. "I can find one for you. There's a military school in the town, full of ambitious young boys. Some of them are smart and dexterous, too - I'll make an announcement and do the casting."

"Sounds great!" - said the knight, - "I've been a bounty hunter, but headhunting has never been my strong side. But what about fire?" "You'll need fireproof ointment on your armor, of course. And a much better spear - remember, you will have to make it in just one hit. I know a great weaponsmith, who can make one for you. As for the ointment, I can make it myself." "Deal!" - said the knight. "Then go get the spear, and come back. I'll have the squire and the ointment for you by then".

So in a week or so the knight came back with a brand new spear. He also had some of his armor improved, as the smith was really good. A young squire was waiting for him at the old man's shack - yet a hot-eyed teenager, but skilled enough and easy-going - a great guy, really! "Now, guys, you need to do some training" - said the old man - "You will have to attack the dragon from different sides at the same time and keep avoiding its fire breath until it's completely disoriented. So come back in a couple of weeks when you're ready."

The knight and the squire went back to town, checked in a local tavern, and decided to celebrate the beginning of a great adventure. The celebration, though, somehow has extended, so when the old man showed up at the tavern's door two weeks later, the knight and the squire were still there. "Guys, that won't do." - said the old man. "The neighboring country is running out of young girls for the dragon to consume, so it will soon move elsewhere, and you'll lose your chance." Ashamed, the knight and the squire crawled out of the tavern and started training.

Sometime later they came to the old man's shack again. "I think we're ready" - said the knight. "Good" - said the old man. "Here's the fireproof ointment, put it all over your armor. Don't rush, look for a better chance to hit. And when you're done, don't forget to skin the dragon." "Why should we do this?" - asked the knight. "Isn't it enough just to kill the dragon?" "It's never enough. Believe me, you'll need the dragon's hide."

So, eventually, the knight and squire approached the dragon and killed it. It wasn't an easy task, but with good equipment and decent training, it wasn't impossible, either. Taking off the dragon's hide was quite annoying, though - but the knight did it just of respect to the old man. Then he went to the king's palace for the reward.

"You are the greatest heroes of all times!" - said the king. "I will have your names mentioned in every rouse at my feasts and in every prayer in my cathedrals." "Thank you, Your Majesty," - said the knight - "but what about, er, the financial part of the reward?" "Oh, you mean the bounty of a thousand bags of gold? As a matter of fact, that was offered by the Guild of Merchants. You should claim it there."

The merchants were far less optimistic. "When His Majesty speaks of money, it always turns out to be from our coffins. But anyway. You've killed the dragon. Good. But what's a dead dragon worth?" "What do you mean?" - said the knight, shocked. "It was terrorizing your country, burning crops and eating girls!". "Yes, and still it was worth something. Have you ever heard of insurance costs? That was a huge source of income for some of us. But the dead dragon is worthless. Have you taken anything of value from it?".

The knight praised himself for obedience. "I've got the dragon's hide!" - he said. "Oh," - said the head of the guild - "That is something we can pay for. Say, two hundred bags of gold?" "Well, if that's all you can offer..." - said the knight. "You know, these are hard times" - said the head of the guild. "It's just the best you can get."

So the knight went back to the tavern to pick up the dragon's hide, and found the old man there, talking to the squire. "You look distressed" - said the old man. "What did the merchants offer you?" "Two hundred bags of gold for the dragon's hide" - said the knight. "I told you - you'll need it" - said the old man. "Now you have two options: you can trade your hide for money at once, or you could turn it into something you can be selling for a while - and, eventually, make much more money." "I'm neither a craftsman nor a merchant" - said the knight. "You don't have to be. All I ask you to do is to remove the scales from the hide. And leave the rest to me."

In a few days, a new booth appeared on the local market. "Dragon Scale Pot Scrubbers. This week only 30% off" was the sign, and the slogan said, "While you're still scrubbing your pans, your neighbor is already dancing at the party - because she has cleaned all her pans with a Dragon Scale Pot Scrubber." Soon all local housewives bought one, but the word has spread all over the realm, and customers kept coming - despite the fact, that the price was rising 30% every week - just as the sign said.

The total income was much more than two hundred bags of gold. Actually, it was more than a thousand. "I can't imagine how much I owe you" - said the knight to the old man. "It seems that you've done everything for me." "Well, I didn't slay the dragon" - said the old man.